Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
