Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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