is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think i have two assholes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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