hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
