So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
