That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
