my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
