Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
