so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Farmville is her only friend.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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