the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
