Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
