last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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