why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
