he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
