I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
