I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
