The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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