Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
