I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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