I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
