turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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