Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Mom said you looked used
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
