Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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