And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
