So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You pole danced in your parka.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
