i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
