I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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