Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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