what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
