I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
