I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
