I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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