So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
