she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
