He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
