Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
