I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
