I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
