True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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