I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My pussy is not your playground.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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