Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
