Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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