Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
