I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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