i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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