you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
