I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
