So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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