went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
