OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
